Suit Dude - Do The Math

Suit Dude - Do The Math

suit_dude

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Do The Math	[Aug. 17th, 2005\|10:29 am]
I like crime shows. Apparently I'm not alone in this as production houses by the dozen are turning out new shows every week. Of all of these new shows my favourite is CSI:New York. This is because it stars Gary Sinise in the lead role and simply put, Gary Sinise is my favourite kind of bad-ass - intelligent, understated and menacing. The fact that the bastard can really act doesn't hurt either. Unfortunately, after twenty or so episodes, even CSI:New York has lost its lustre. Even with the best actors, something so formulaic can become old very quickly. Studios are nearing the bottom of the barrel when it comes to fresh ideas by the looks of things and are trying to introduce fresh slants on the same old formula. This week for example, I watched the premiere of a new series called "Numb3rs" that portrays a brilliant, young, sexy mathematician that solves crime. This premise is about as realistic as "brilliant young communist solves Russia's economic problems with the help of a cabbage and a crack-team of Kenny Rogers fans", only less credible. Even the name was enough to piss me off. It must be hip and uber-elite because it has a number 3 in place of the letter "e". How's that for "edgy" and "rad", kiddies? It might have been edgy and rad in 1996 (well, actually it wouldn't but let's just pretend that we're all retards for a moment), but in 2005 it just screams "desperate to suck in the under-twenty-fives demographic". If you've ever met real mathematicians you know that they're the sort of people you just want to stab repeatedly with a sharp stick. What's worse is that this show will probably spawn a whole new franchise, just as the original CSI produced CSI:Miami and CSI: New York. Sometime in the near future, we can probably look forward to the following Numb3rs spin-offs: Numb3rs: Mount Druitt A brilliant mathematician uses complex equations to keep the fridge stocked with tinnies at his next unsuccessful wife-swapping party. Numb3rs: Oxford Street A brilliant mathematician attempts to socialise at a nightclub. Gets stabbed repeatedly with sharp stick. Numb3rs: Gaza Strip Both the Israeli and the Palestinian soccer-teams get shitfaced in an Irish bar with unlimited access to small arms and ammunition (this has nothing to do with mathematics, but come on, you know it would kick ass). Numb3rs: Jamaica No one does much of anything as they're all too busy rolling numb3rs and listening to Bob Marl3y. If we've sunk this low then I think we need a few new ideas to revive the flagging crime show genre. As is typical of shows of late, we need to replace the archetypal square-jawed hero with a tragically flawed figure who overcomes his demons and limitations to save the day. Here are my suggestions: 1: Garbage collector with six fingers and a magical hare-lip solves crime. 2: Retarded guinea pig with cerebral palsy and the gift of clairvoyance solves crime. 3: Richard Gere develops cerebral palsy after finding a dead clairvoyant in his garbage while searching for guinea pigs. Okay, okay, the real crime here was me recycling that old Richard Gere joke, but you get the drift. I think it's time I started reading again. SD suit_dude@walla.com
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Comments:

From:

matt_hell
2005-08-17 12:44 am (UTC)

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*downloads kenny rogers*

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From:

v3nu5
2005-08-17 12:52 am (UTC)

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The problem I have with crime shows is that not one of them has done anything I haven't seen before and executed at least ten times better in a japanese film that could well have been made 25 years ago.

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From:

kehua
2005-08-17 12:59 am (UTC)

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a crack-team of Kenny Rogers fans

I resemble this remark.

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From:

suit_dude
2005-08-17 01:01 am (UTC)

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I said "crack-team of Kenny Rogers fans".

As opposed to "Kenny Rogers fans on crack".

SD

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From:

kehua
2005-08-17 11:53 am (UTC)

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Oh, SOMEONE'S just BEGGING for my crack rendition of Coward of the County, aren't they?

Until we meet again, my suited friend.

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From:

neotokyo
2005-08-17 02:16 am (UTC)

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Richard Gere jokes never get too old.

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From:

gt_general
2005-08-17 03:39 am (UTC)

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Here here, more with the pot of honey, coke and gerbils.

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From:

gt_gerbil
2005-08-17 03:49 am (UTC)

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2: Retarded guinea pig with cerebral palsy and the gift of clairvoyance solves crime.

3: Richard Gere develops cerebral palsy after finding a dead clairvoyant in his garbage while searching for guinea pigs.

When are the auditions for these roles?

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From:

suit_dude
2005-08-17 10:24 pm (UTC)

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Now that was funny.

SD

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